SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN ***** TOO LONG [this equally slags every place!]

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN DUBLIN TOO LONG

  • You say 'taeun' when you mean the city.
  • You think it is perfectly normal to pay over 5.00 Euro for a pint.
  • You have no idea where the North is.
  • You see any member of U2 in the POD (again) and find it hard to get excited about it.
  • The countryside makes you nervous.
  • Somebody speaks to you on the DART and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.
  • You can't remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car in "taeun."

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN LIMERICK TOO LONG

  • You have an urge to steal.
  • You keep going on about how great Limerick and Garryowen are [rugby clubs].
  • To you, organised crime is putting petrol in the getaway car.
  • You start to cry when you hear 'Beautiful Munsters'.
  • You think anyone from Limerick has a great sense of humour.
  • You think everyone's heard of Barry Foley
  • You think Dubliners are 'soft east coast ashy pets'... until they kick your head in at rugby.
  • You deny that it rains all the time.. as you struggle home with the shopping in yet another torrential downpour.

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN DERRY TOO LONG

  • You say 'Sir' all the time ("Howsa goan thur Sir").
  • You say 'aye' all the time.
  • You end sentences with 'Hi' i.e. 'I'm no goan' thur, Hi,it's s***e'.
  • You get an urge to punch everybody you meet.
  • You punch everybody you meet.
  • You get drunk before, after and during punching everybody you meet.
  • You are incomprehensible.
  • People seem to be scared of you when you say where you are from.

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN CORK TOO LONG

  • You say "I'm Grand" all the time.
  • You think of Murphy's as if it is the sixth food group.
  • You disagreed with the above - Murphy's is the FIRST food group.
  • You're pale and white... yet compared to others your suntan looks good.
  • You say "Are you Grand ?" all the time.
  • You say "Isn't that grand?" all the time.
  • You say "That'd be grand" all the time.
  • You take 4 hours to get home on a Saturday night and think nothing of it.
  • You don't eat anything cold, uncooked or not resembling meat, bread or potatoes.
  • You say "Your man" all the time.
  • You say "Your woman" all the time.
  • You say "It's grand that your man asked if I'm grand" all the time.
  • You find yourself still living with family and having dinners cooked for you by someone's mammy - at 30.
  • You talk about 'dinners' and 'mammys'.

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN GALWAY TOO LONG

  • You say "Howsa' goin" all the time.
  • You can't remember a weekend when a friend from Dublin or Cork wasn't sleeping on your couch.
  • When you meet someone on a Tuesday afternoon you tell them you haven't been out in ages then remember that you were chatting to that same person last night in the Quays.
  • You agree with all taxi drivers on all subjects - why bother getting thick.
  • Unless the taxi driver is from Mayo.
  • Unless, like half the population living in Galway, you're from Mayo.
  • When you say you live in Galway, people immediately smile and tell you about their wild weekend in Salthill when they were 16. You nod enthusiastically about the same venue, despite the fact that you were never there.
  • You think that it's perfectly normal to have 6 buskers (including a bagpiper), eight street entertainers and 4 separate roadworks all on the one street.

SIGNS YOU'VE BEEN IN OFFALY TOO LONG

  • You're still there

< Homer 1 | FIve Top Tips in case she Pops the Question >

 

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