How to chat up an Irish girl...

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It's the question everyone wonders - how do you chat up an Irish girl? Just how do you impress those sultry Irish beauties, particularly if your genetic makeup is not to the same standard? You might be surprised at my answers; as usual, with this site, all information is provided with a little humour.

Most Irish people, young and old, male and female, have a fascination with language and the art of conversation. If you have heard Irish people talking, you might notice that we're quite uneconomic with our use of language when speaking English. This is a direct influence of Gaelic, which thrives in the use of descriptive language. When you discuss something in English, the same flowery methods are used.

Thus, it is of no use approaching an Irish cailin (girl) in a pub and saying "Do you come here often?" That's as much use, interest and effect as saying "Well, it's going to rain in the next 30 days" or "Glad to see you dressed today". You've got to use something different and unique, incorporating the local situation where possible. The opening sentence is crucial, almost as important as the opening glance. You must remember that your main aim is to get the girl to reveal something about herself, not bore her stupid about yourself. Irish girls love a good listener, sometimes a lad with a bit of mystique. By deflecting questions that might reveal a lot of information about yourself, you are arousing the natural curiousity of the girl. Avoid all mention about sport, unless you're at a sports convention or in the TV lounge of a bar showing sport. Similarly, conversations discussing religion and politics should be strongly avoided.

The aim of your opener is to show you're not a complete eejit (idiot), demonstrate that you can converse and, most importantly, eventually encourage the girl to do most of the talking by tell you something about herself. We'll discuss that later!

You need to think beyond the box, think laterally, to engage the attention of an Irish woman. Many are used to receiving platitudes and compliments, so why not say something neutral, or even negative, such as:

Such a comment might attract the humorous side of some girls, providing an antidote to the usual "you look gorgeous" remarks.

If you're not Irish yourself, another curious negative opener is:

You're keeping your options open here - you haven't said that she is not good looking, but recognise the fact that she might be an attraction to local talent. It sometimes works, since such girls might feel that the quality where you come from is exceptional, and better than she. You can modify this comment if you are Irish, particularly if you're not from the location of the conversation. If you are Irish, you can modify this locally:

I have to admit that this remark might be provocative, but then you're trying to be different from the crowd. You might be answered with a question, such as:

Have a quick amendment or reply ready such as:

Avoid making a deeply personal remark, especially a flattering comment such as "Gosh, you're a real stunner". If she is obviously beautiful, she will already have heard such comments before, and you might be lucky to get a "thanks" as she stifles another yawn.

Don't forget that many ladies have an unrealistically low opinion of themselves, thinking that they're unattractive to men. It matters not if they fail to resemble the body characteristics of Cindy Crawford; they will always possess a feature attractive to men... such as the colour of their eyes! If you want to flatter. why not try:

* delete as applicable

If you ask a question, be ready with a retort - Irish girls are notoriously quick with a witty response and will expect one in return. If this happens, then the chemistry has begun and you're on a winner! The next phase is to avoid talking about yourself, and to get the girl to reveal something about herself, without getting too personal at this stage. That's important because if your second question is to ask for her address, you've lost the subtle approach and are probably doomed.

Choose something less personal to ask, for example, does she like the music currently playing in the bar, or say that you enjoyed shopping in Dublin (or wherever) and does she have any favourite shops. You're avoiding emotional subjects, yet quietly guiding the conversation towards something more engaging and possibly intimate.

This page provides some suggestions for the dumb-struck guy who would like to approach a lovely Irish girl. Do tell me if you found them funny or useful but don't tell me if your attempts ended with a bottle of Vodka and orange being poured on your head!

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